[OpenBSD]

Release Songs



3.5: "CARP License" and "Redundancy must be free"

OpenBSD 3.5 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this skit & song.
MP3 version of song (3.5 minutes, 7.0MB)
OGG version of song (3.5 minutes, 5.1MB)


CARP

A common theme used by the comedy crew Monty Python was to emphasize and exaggerate ridiculousnesses that their target had imposed upon themselves. Few things could be considered as humorous as making a redundancy protocol... redundant; e.g. being forced to replace it by Cisco lawyers and IETF policy.

We've been working a few years now on our packet filtering software pf(4) and it became time to add failover. We want to be able to set up pf firewalls side by side, and exchange the stateful information between them, so that in case of failure another could take over 'keep state' sessions. Our pfsync(4) protocol solves this problem. However, on both sides of the firewall, it is also necessary to have all the regular hosts not see a network failure. The only reliable way to do this is for both firewall machines to have and use the same IP and MAC addresses. But the only real way to do that is to use multicast protocols.

The IETF community proposed work in this direction in the late 90's, however in 1997 Cisco informed them that they believed some of Cisco's patents covered the proposed IETF VRRP (Virtual Router Redundancy Protocol); on March 20, 1998 they went further and specifically named their HSRP "Hot Standby Router Protocol" patent. Reputedly, they were upset that IETF had not simply adopted the flawed HSRP protocol as the standard solution for this problem. Despite this legal pressure, the IETF community forged ahead and published VRRP as a standard even though there was a patent in the space. Why? There was much deliberation at all levels of the IETF, and unfortunately for all of us the politicians within eventually decided to allow patented technology in standards -- as long as the patented technology is licensed under RAND (Reasonable And Non Discriminatory) terms. As free software programmers, we therefore find ourselves in the position that these RAND standards must not be implemented by us, and we must deviate from the standard. We find all this rather Unreasonable and Discriminatory and we *will* design competing protocols. Some standards organization, eh?

Due to some HSRP flaws fixed by VRRP and for compatibility with the (HSRP-licensed) VRRP implementations of their competitors, Cisco in recent times has largely abandoned HSRP and now relies on VRRP instead -- a protocol designed for and by the community, but for which they claim patent rights.

On August 7 2002, after many communications, Robert Barr (Cisco's lawyer) firmly informed the OpenBSD community that Cisco would defend its patents for VRRP implementations -- meaning basically that it was impossible for a free software group to produce a truly free implementation of the IETF standard protocol. Perhaps this is because Cisco and Alcatel are currently engaged in a pair of patent lawsuits; a small piece of which is Cisco attempting to use the HSRP patent against Alcatel for their use of VRRP. Some IETF working group members took note of our complaints, however an attempt in April 2003 to have the IETF abandon the use of patented technology failed to "reach consensus" in the IETF.

A few years ago, the W3C, who designs our web protocols, tried to move to a RAND policy as well (primarily because of pressure from Microsoft and Apple), but the community outrage was so overpowering that they backed down. Some standards groups use this policy, while others avoid it -- the one differentiation being the amount of corporate participation. In the IETF, the pro-RAND agents work for AT&T, Alcatel, IBM, Cisco, Microsoft, and other large companies. Since IETF is an open forum, they can blend in as the populace, and vote just like all others, except against the community.

Translation: In failing to "reach consensus", the companies who benefit from RAND won, and the community lost again.

Left with little choice, we proceeded to reinvent the wheel or, more correctly, abandon the wheel entirely and go for a "hovercraft". We designed CARP (Common Address Redundancy Protocol) to solve the same problem that these other protocols are designed for, but without the same technological basis as HSRP and VRRP. We read the patent document carefully and ensured that CARP was fundamentally different. We also avoided many of the flaws in HSRP and VRRP (such as an inherent lack of security). And since we are OpenBSD developers, we designed it to use cryptography.

The combination of pf(4), pfsync(4), and carp(4) has permitted us to build highly redundant firewalls. To date, we have built a few networks that include as many as 4 firewalls, all running random reboot cycles. As long as one firewall is alive in a group, traffic through them moves smoothly and correctly for all of our packet filter functionality. Cisco's low end products are unable to do this reliably, and if they have high end products which can do this, you most certainly cannot afford them.

As a final note of course, when we petitioned IANA, the IETF body regulating "official" internet protocol numbers, to give us numbers for CARP and pfsync our request was denied. Apparently we had failed to go through an official standards organization. Consequently we were forced to choose a protocol number which would not conflict with anything else of value, and decided to place CARP at IP protocol 112. We also placed pfsync at an open and unused number. We informed IANA of these decisions, but they declined to reply.

This ridiculous situation then inspired one of our developers to create this parody of the well-known Monty Python skit and song.




Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please.
Licenser: A what?
Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP.
Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it?
Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol.
Licenser: What?
Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol.
Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol!
Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it!
Licenser: You must be a looney.
Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: You are a looney.
Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP.
Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP.
Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it
Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license.
Customer: Yes there is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: Is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon.
Customer: The man didn't have the right form.
Licenser: What man?
Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van.
Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean.
Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Licenser: What redundancy detector van?
Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee.
Licenser: Cizzz-coeee?
Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake.
Licenser: How much did you pay for this?
Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX.
Licenser: What PIX?
Customer: The PIX I'm replacing!
Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it?
Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it!
Licenser: No they didn't!
Customer: Did!
Licenser: Didn't!
Customer: Did, did, did and did!
Licenser: Oh, all right.
Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license?
Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License.
Licenser: A license?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For your firewall?
Customer: No.
Licenser: No?
Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident.
Licenser: You're off your chump.
Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader!

A zero... one.. A one zero one one

VRRP, philosophically,
must ipso facto standard be
But standard it
needs to be free
vis a vis
the IETF
you see?

But can VRRP
be said to be
or not to be
a standard, see,
when VRRP can not be free,
due to some Cisco patentry..

Singing...

La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3.
VRRP ain't free.
O P E N B S D
CARP is free

Is this wretched Cisco-eze
let through IETF to mean
my firewall must pay legal fees?
No! CARP and PF are Free!

Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
CARP and PF are free.

1 1 2,
Tee Hee Hee,
CARP and PF are free.

My firewall just keeps running, see,
bisected accidentally,
one summer afternoon by me.
Redundancy's good when free.

Redundancy must be free.
Redundancy must be free.

The End

Under the Geddy Lee?

No, Redundancy must be free!

Geddy must be free.



"CARP License" sketch:
Tony Binns as the Customer, Peter Rumpel as the Licenser.
"Reduncancy must be free" song:
Lead vocal by Peter Rumpel, backing vocals by Jonathan Lewis and Ty Semaka. Piano by Janet Lewis, acoustic guitars by Chantal Vitalis. Bass and Geddy Lee questioning by Jonathan Lewis. Lyrics by Bob Beck.



3.4: "The Legend of Puffy Hood"

OpenBSD 3.4 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.
MP3 version of song (3.5 minutes, 7.0MB)
OGG version of song (3.5 minutes, 5.1MB)


Puffy Hood

Join Puffy Hood and his Funny Fish as they take on the Sheriff (an unelected leader) and other evil forces of the draconian government!


As we did for the 3.3 release, we have once again tried making release artwork and music which are allegorical of recent happenings.

Two years ago we became involved with the University of Pennsylvania and DARPA, who were funding us to do security research and development .. on things that we were already intending to do. We provided ideas, wrote papers, and deployed cutting-edge technology; DARPA provided finances and reaped a share of the credit, and the University of Pennsylvania acted as a middle-man. We accepted funding based on the promise that our freedom to operate as we wished was unaffected. To us, freedom is more important than funding -- heck, we were dealing with the evil forces of government, and needed to be careful.

A few months prior to this release, DARPA suddenly and without warning decided to withdraw that funding; they also aggressively backed out of contractual obligations. Many articles in the press followed regarding this sudden manuevre. Apparently this hoopla happened because an OpenBSD-related article in the Canadian newspaper The Globe & Mail had quoted Theo de Raadt making anti-war statements regarding Iraq and the theft of oil.

The only answer given (to major media reporters) by a DARPA spokesperson (Jan Walker) was this:

"As a result of the DARPA review of the project, and due to world events and the evolving threat posed by increasingly capable nation-states, the Government on April 21 advised the University to suspend work on the "security fest" portion of the project."

That almost toes the line of calling us terrorists! We had lost financial support, but the release of the statement above suddenly made us very happy to be free of any perceived obligation to such crazy people.

Since the termination came near natural contract termination (about 4 months remained), less damage than expected was sustained by the project. Sponsors stepped forward and helped us make up the missing funds we needed to run our "Hackathon", and the event proceeded as planned. We even had t-shirts made with "Workstations of Mass Development" artwork for those developers who attended (sorry, they are not for sale).

We could not make stories like this up. So instead, we are making up an allegory about it, using the tale of Robin Hood.



Sir Puffy of Ramsay was a wandrin'
Through forests of seaweed all alone
He had found the crusades
were an endless charade
So for now he called Nothing Hack home


One day he met Little Bob of Beckley
Beat him fair on a log-in by staff
Clever chums they did find
other fish of their kind
Thwarting evil with humppa and math


Now trouble was a brewin' when the Good King was away
The Sheriff came a callin' for the poor to pay
With CD's and their freedom
for to share online
And burning down the village cause he was a slime


So Puffy and his buddies took the booty from the rich
and turned it into a system to protect poor fish
Sent out by Hook or a Wim
to the teaming schools
Town cryers were on fire cause the crypto ruled!


Chorus:
They called it "BSD"!
And "Open" because it's always free
So raise up your glass and
three cheers to the Funny
Fish for never running
and making something good!
And here's to Puffy Hood!


Aaaw! Word to the sea y'all
The Hood's a bad ball
Ya underneath he's a heathen and a traitor
He can take from you all and say "later!"
Think he's a hero?
Naw he ain't lovin' ya
He gettin' richer than Bill Gates and Dubya
Read the Wanted poster
of Sheriff Plac-o-derm fool
We gettin' back the booty
or we take away your worms too


Yo! Word to the classes
Put on your glasses
I guess the Sheriff is King till this passes
Times are a changin' and movin' so fast
He says "Give me your freedom,
I'll grasp it and pass it to brass
who can hash it for weapons of massive distraction.
And hand me the bastards that brashly amassed from the cash
happy faction of oily and gassy co-action".
No! Don't hand em dick, grab a stick, keep attacking for freedom
and hack till the King cometh back and leave em'


Then trouble was a rollin' with an army on the run
The Sheriff came a callin' for the spikey one
And took back all the booty
Puff intended for the poor
The Arch-a-thon went on despite the mighty roar


Puff snuck into the castle, and found the treasure hill
And also found Maid Marlin held against her will
He loaded all the loot
to give it back and big surprise
He took the maiden too, 'cause she was easy on the eyes


Chorus:
They called it "BSD"!
And "Open" because it's always free
So raise up your glass and
three cheers to the Funny
Fish for never running
and making something good!
And here's to Puffy Hood!




Music, Co-arrangement, Recording, Mixing, Drum Programming, Bass, Organ, and Violin by Jonathan Lewis.
Co-Arrangement, Lyrics, and Main Vocals by Ty Semaka.
Back-vocals by Bob Beck, Calvin Beck, Theo de Raadt, Alan Kolodziejzyk, Jonathan Lewis & Peter Valchev.
Rap #1 by Richard Sixto. Guitar by Chantal Vitalis.


3.3: "Puff the Barbarian"

OpenBSD 3.3 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.
MP3 version of song (4 minutes, 7.5MB)
OGG version of song (4 minutes, 3.3MB)


Puff the Barbarian

Like other Barbarians before him, Puff has had to face
some pretty crazy challenges.

This song is an allegory of the recent difficulties
we went through dealing with Sun, who refused our
request for documentation about their UltraSPARC III
processors. We want documentation, because these are
the fastest processors with a per-page eXecute bit
in the MMU, needed to fully support our new W^X
security feature. In the meantime, the AMD Hammer
has come onto the scene, and this processor supports
an eXecute bit in 64-bit mode. And it is going to
be faster...
Deep through the mists of time
Gaze to the crystal ball
Back to the age of darkness
Black was the protocol

A King ruled the web with fear
Spilling the blood of men
Then from the ocean came
Puff the Barbarian


Born in a tiny bowl Puff was a pet
Sold into slav-er-y by the man
Eating the weeds till he was strong enough
Breaking his bonds like nobody can

Down the sewer pipes of Hell
A thousand kitties then did bleed
Constraints were slain as well
Hacked his way out to the C

And there he found
His destiny
Hammer of the Ocean God
"Xor taking care of me"

Then in a dream Xor requested he
"Go to the Sun King, get what I yearn
Kernighan saw it, prophet of the C
Knowledge - so they may never return"

At the tower Puff appealed
For the wisdom of the One
Denied, his mind did reel
Puff was getting tired of Sun

Broke down the guard
Cause math is hard
Saw McNealy on his throne
All alone and only bones

Come the Sun King blade ablur
Hammer down eclipse the Sun
And Puff, the land secured
The new King Barbarian!


Written and arranged by Ty Semaka. Co-arranged, recorded, mixed & mastered by Jonathan Lewis.
Vocals by DeVille, guitar by Sean Desmond, bass by Ian Knox, drums by John McNiel, violin by Jonathan Lewis.


3.2: "Goldflipper"

OpenBSD 3.2 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.
MP3 version of song (3 minutes, 2.5MB)
OGG version of song (3 minutes, 2.3MB)


Mr Pond
Goldflipper
With golden skin
and flippers as sharp as a knife
He's the machine
Designed to dismember your life

And the fish
Protecting us all from the cat
And the cat
Infecting the wo-orld for a laugh

Cyborg on a mission
To do some Puff fishin'
The doctor wants fugu tonight!

(short instrumental intro)

You'll need some machismo to
catch the spikey one
He's got guts and gizmos to
make the system run

But Flip's here for fun
and without a gun
He'll dice you with his Golden fin

She's all over Puff cause he's
such a sexy catch
Is she spying on him or
just a seafood match?

Oh double seven
Send me to Heaven
Cause for Mr. Po-o-o-ond

The women are fond
She knows what to do
She'll turn Gold to goo

Goldflipper is gone
Gold flipper's goooooooooooooone


Lyrics by Ty Semaka. Arranged by Ty Semaka & Jonathan Lewis.
Base & drum programming, recording, mixing & mastering by Jonathan Lewis. Vocals by Onalea Gilbertson. Sax by Dan Meichel. Trumpet & Trombone by Craig Soby.


3.1: "Systemagic"

OpenBSD 3.1 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.
MP3 version of song (3 minutes, 2.9MB)
OGG version of song (3 minutes, 2.3MB)


Systemagic
BSD fight buffer reign
Flowing blood in circuit vein
Quagmire, Hellfire, RAMhead Count
Puffy rip attacker out

Crackin' ze bathroom, Crackin' ze vault
Tale of the script, HEY! Secure by default

Can't fight the Systemagic
Über tragic
Can't fight the Systemagic

Sexty second, black cat struck
Breeding worm of crypto-suck
Hot rod box unt hunting wake
Vampire omellete, kitten cake

Crackin' ze boardroom, Crackin' ze vault
Rippin' ze bat, HEY! Secure by default

Chorus

Cybersluts vit undead guts
Transyl-viral coffin muck
Penguin lurking under bed
Puffy hoompa on your head

Crackin' ze bedroom, Crackin' ze vault
Crackin' ze whip, HEY! Secure by default
Crackin' ze bedroom, Crackin' ze vault
Crackin' ze whip, HEY! Secure by default

Chorus

Produced & Directed by Ty Semaka and Ian Knox. Written, Arranged and Performed by Ty Semaka (vocals, lyrics), Ian Knox (bass, drum programming), and Sean Desmond (guitar).
Recorded & Mixed at Ruffmix Audio Productions (Calgary) by Kelly Mihalicz.
Mastered by Jonathan Lewis.


3.0: "E-Railed (OpenBSD Mix)"

OpenBSD 3.0 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.
MP3 version of song (3 minutes, 2.9MB)
OGG version of song (3 minutes, 2.3MB)


Rock
Don't tell anyone I'm free
Don't tell anyone I'm free

During these hostile and trying times and what-not
OpenBSD may be your family's only line of defense

I'm secure by default

They that can give up liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety

RELEASE TIME!!!!

Stay off, stay off, stay off...
I'm secure by default
stay off, stay off, stay off


By The Plaid Tongued Devils. Produced & Arranged by Ty Semaka & Wynn Gogol.
Written & Performed by Gordon Chipp Robb (bass line), John McNiel (drums), Ty Semaka (vocals & lyrics), and Wynn Gogol, (programming).
Recorded, Mixed & Mastered by Wynn Gogol of Workshop Recording Studios (Victoria BC).
Check out http://www.thedevils.com


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$OpenBSD: lyrics.html,v 1.30 2004/03/24 07:38:36 deraadt Exp $