[OpenBSD]

Release Songs


4.1: "Puffy Baba and the 40 Vendors"
4.0: "Humppa Negala" and "OpenVOX" (extra track)
3.9: "Blob!"
3.8: "Hackers of the Lost RAID"
3.7: "The Wizard of OS"
3.6: "Pond-erosa Puff (live)"
3.5: "CARP License" and "Redundancy must be free"
3.4: "The Legend of Puffy Hood"
3.3: "Puff the Barbarian"
3.2: "Goldflipper"
3.1: "Systemagic"
3.0: "E-Railed (OpenBSD Mix)"

The 3.0 - 4.0 songs are available on an Audio CD celebrating 10 years of OpenBSD releases.

An extra track by the artist Ty Semaka (who really has "had Puffy on his mind") is included which details the process of making the art and music each release.

Order an Audio CDROM from our International site
Order an Audio CDROM from our European site


4.1: "Puffy Baba and the 40 Vendors"

[Order OpenBSD 4.1 or other items]
OpenBSD 4.1 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

4:19 minutes (MP3 4.1MB) (OGG 8.3MB)

PuffyBaba

As developers of a free operating system, one of our prime responsibilities is device support. No matter how nice an operating system is, it remains useless and unusable without solid support for a wide percentage of the hardware that is available on the market. It is therefore rather unsurprising that more than half of our efforts focus on various aspects relating to device support.

Most parts of the operating system (from low kernel, through to libraries, all the way up to X, and then even to applications) use fairly obvious interface layers, where the "communication protocols" or "argument passing" mechanisms (ie. APIs) can be understood by any developer who takes the time to read the free code. Device drivers pose an additional and significant challenge though: because many vendors refuse to document the exact behavior of their devices. The devices are black boxes. And often they are surprisingly weird, or even buggy.

When vendor documentation does not exist, the development process can become extremely hairy. Groups of developers have found themselves focused for months at a time, figuring out the most simple steps, simply because the hardware is a complete mystery. Access to documentation can ease these difficulties rapidly. However, getting access to the chip documentation from vendors is ... almost always a negotiation. If we had open access to documentation, anyone would be able to see how simple all these devices actually are, and device driver development would flourish (and not just in OpenBSD, either).

When we proceed into negotiations with vendors, asking for documentation, our position is often weak. One would assume that the modern market is fair, and that selling chips would be the primary focus of these vendors. But unfortunately a number of behemoth software vendors have spent the last 10 or 20 years building political hurdles against the smaller players.

A particularly nasty player in this regard has been the Linux vendors and some Linux developers, who have played along with an American corporate model of requiring NDAs for chip documentation. This has effectively put Linux into the club with Microsoft, but has left all the other operating system communities -- and their developers -- with much less available clout for requesting documentation. In a more fair world, the Linux vendors would work with us, and the device driver support in all free operating systems would be fantastic by now.

We only ask that users help us in changing the political landscape.



Here's an old story ...


Puffy Baba and the 40 Vendors
We all know the details
Magic cave, magic words, some thieves,
some serious loot,
and lucky - Mister - Baba
Who got a bad rap if you ask me
The little guy who
did the best with what he had


Here are Mr. Baba's lessons
Load one ass, take a few trips and spend
in moderation
Three things the average man can't - get - right


If you know your brother is a greedy bastard
never give him the password
If he goes penguin on you,
stop - being - his brother.
When a cave is guarded by magic lawyers
A sea of blood will be its doormat
So do the best with what you have


Beyond the lessons - you must know this
that the Devil is as real as your address
But unlike Vendors,
he at least keeps the door open


Vendors of water that should be free
Look upon their words and despair
Their badvertising made a thief of my brother
then made him better off dead
Now he hasn't got shit to do his best with


Gratis. Free. Libre. Cuffo.
The companies of thieves stole every good adjective
and left us with open source (sores)
sharing smaller and smaller bandages
for each consecutive cut
But with the salty water of labour
parched desert becomes pregnant black soil


It's not whether you're well off
it's where you dig the well
The best the little guy can do is what
the little guy does right



CD 2 track 2 is an audio track entitled "Puffy Baba and the 40 Vendors". Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Lewis of Moxam Studios (1-403-233-0350). Voice by Richard Sixto. Lyrics by Ty Semaka.


"OpenVOX"

[Order the OpenBSD audio CD or other items]
These are the lyrics for the extra track on the OpenBSD Audio CD.

4:00 minutes (MP3 3.9MB) (OGG 6.0MB)



This is an extra track by the artist Ty Semaka (who really has "had Puffy on his mind") which we included on the audio CD.

This song details the process that Ty has to go through to make the art and music for each OpenBSD release. Ty and Theo really do go to a (very specific) bar and discuss what is going on in the project, and then try to find a theme that will work...


Be Open
Be Vocal
Stay Open
Stay Vocal

(repeat)

OpenBSD

Twice a year,
me an' Theo Theorize over beer
at the Ship and outhip all the misers
and take strips out of liars.
He sits me down and he tries to explain:
He says "The badabadabingabanger
button on the raidorama cuttin'
on the systematicalifornication
and a license application
is a fishybomination
and a random allocation
got a copywritten melanoma
sasafrazzin' wireless device".
OK stop.
I get it.
Some asshole lied.

And then he says,
"The crashorama villaination
lawyerific pornication threatifies
the only honest hackerammerunderider
in the cyber cider documation
universal anagrama-attic (I'm outta here)
cohabitationizizingation"
OK stop.
I get it.
Some asshole said he was "open"
but he was only open for business.
I get it.
Where's my pencils?
Bring me my mic!
Be Open
Be Vocal
Stay Open
Stay Vocal

(repeat)

Then he has another beer and
gets all, you know, pushy.
Make Puffy kill pussies?
And too much thinkin' and kitchen sinkin'
the drawings or toons I should say,
where a fish can talk, be an agent
a hit man or walk, and ride horses
and forces my hand to make Puffy a spy
or a cowboy, or WHY a little girl, in a dream
and fake Floyd as the theme?
And squeeze in five concepts
every time, every song!
And the geeks and Theo lose it
if I draw the device wrong!
"It's four little buttons not five Ty"
And pretty soon I'll be losing my mind
cause it's a f@#!kin' cartoon!

(beat boxin')




4.0: "Humppa Negala"

[Order OpenBSD 4.0 or other items]
OpenBSD 4.0 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

2:40 minutes (MP3 2.3MB) (OGG 3.6MB)

Pufferix

The last 10 years, every 6 month period has (without fail) resulted in an official OpenBSD release making it to the FTP servers. But CDs are also manufactured, which the project sells to continue our development goals.

While tests of the release binaries are done by developers around the world, Theo and some developers from Calgary or Edmonton (such as Peter Valchev or Bob Beck) test that the discs are full of (only) correct code. Ty Semaka works for approximately two months to design and draw artwork that will fit the designated theme, and coordinates with his music buddies to write and record a song that also matches the theme.

Then the discs and all the artwork gets delivered to the plant, so that they can be pressed in time for an official release date.

This release, instead of bemoaning vendors or organizations that try to make our task of writing free software more difficult, we instead celebrate the 10 years that we have been given (so far) to write free software, express our themes in art, and the 5 years that we have made music with a group of talented musicians.

OpenBSD developers have been torturing each other for years now with Humppa-style music, so this release our users get a taste of this too. Sometimes at hackathons you will hear the same songs being played on multiple laptops, out of sync. It is under such duress that much of our code gets written.

We feel like Pufferix and Bobilix delivering The Three Discs of Freedom to those who want them whenever the need arises, then returning to celebrate the (unlocked) source tree with all the other developers.




Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Venismechah

Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Venismechah

Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Venismechah

Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Venismechah

Uru, uru achim!
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
uru achim!
uru achim!
OpenBSD!


(circus torture)


Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Venismechah

Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Humppa negala
Venismechah

Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Venismechah

Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Humppa neranenah
Venismechah

Uru, uru achim!
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
Uru achim b'lev sameach
uru achim!
uru achim!
OpenBSD!



CD 2 track 2 is an audio track entitled "Humppa Negala!", based on the traditional Jewish song "Hava Nagilah" composed by Anonymous. Section of "Enter The Gladiators" (circus theme) composed by Julius Fucik. Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Lewis of Moxam Studios (1-403-233-0350). Accordion, Tuba and drums by Jonathan Lewis. Vocals by Ty Semaka & Jonathan Lewis.


3.9: "Blob!"

[Order OpenBSD 3.9 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.9 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

4:00 minutes (MP3 7.6MB) (OGG 6.0MB)

Blob

OpenBSD emphasizes security. It also emphasizes openness. All the code is there for all to see. Blobs are vendor-compiled binary drivers without any source code. Hardware makers like them because they obscure the details of how to make their hardware work. They hide bugs and workarounds for bugs. Newer versions of blobs can weaken support for older hardware and motivate people to buy new hardware.


Blobs are expedient. Many other open source operating systems cheerfully incorporate them; in fact their users demand them.


But when you need to trust the system, how do you check the blob for quality? For adherence to standards? How do you know the blob contains no malicious code? No incompetent code? Inspection is impossible; you can only test the black box. And when it breaks, you have no idea why.


  • Blobs can be 'de-supported' by vendors
    at any time.

  • Blobs cannot be supported by developers.

  • Blobs cannot be fixed by developers.

  • Blobs cannot be improved.

  • Blobs cannot be audited.

  • Blobs are specific to an architecture, thus
    less portable.

  • Blobs are quite often massively bloated.


This release, like every OpenBSD release, contains OpenBSD and its source code. It runs on a wide variety of hardware. It contains many new features and improvements. OpenBSD does attempt to convince vendors to release documentation, and often reverse-engineers around the need for blobs. OpenBSD remains blob-free. Anyone can look at it, assess it, improve it. If it breaks, it can be fixed.




Little baby Blobby was a cute little baby
when we found him on the beach,
there was nothin' shady
you could bounce him on your knee
like a ba-ba-ball
and his first little word was adorable

He said a blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah
Blah!


Thin edge of the wedge?
But everybody was so happy - about Blob


Blob was popular at school he was helpful too
He could get your motor runnin'
with a drop of goo
He was givin' it away never charged a dime
But by the time he graduated
Blob was business slime!

He was a blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah


He's givin' you the Evil Eye!


Now everybody had it
they was drivin' around
They was givin' up their freedoms
for convenience now
Blobbin' up the freeway, water black as pitch
And somehow little Blobby was a growin' rich!


He was a blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah


It's linkin' time!


Now it was out of control
n' fishy's came to depend
on Blobby's Blob Blah, seemed to be no end
Then his empire spread and to their surprise
Blobby been a growin' to incredible size!


He's a blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b


Then along came a genius Doctor Puffystein
And he battled the Blob
who had crossed the line
He was 50 feet tall - Doctor said "No fear"
I got a sample of Blob I can reverse engineer!


But it was too late!
Blob was takin' over the world!
He wants your video!
Ya he wants your net!
He wants your drive!
He wants it all!!


Somebody help us!
Noooooooo!
NVIDIA!
Intel!
Atheros!
3-Ware!
VIA!
ATI!
Broadcom!
TI!
Myricom!
HighPoint!
Adaptec!
Mylex!
ICP Vortex!
and IBM!
Takin' over the world!



CD 2 track 2 is an audio track entitled "Blob!". Music composed by Ty Semaka and Jonathan Lewis. Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Lewis of Moxam Studios (1-403-233-0350). Vocals and Lyrics by Ty Semaka & Theo de Raadt. Bass guitar, organ and bubbles by Jonathan Lewis. Guitar by Tom Bagley. Drums by Jim Buick.


3.8: "Hackers of the Lost RAID"

[Order OpenBSD 3.8 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.8 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

4:24 minutes (MP3 8.1MB) (OGG 5.6MB)
Instrumental version (MP3 8.0MB) (OGG 5.5MB)

Jones

For a multitude of (stupid) reasons, vendors often attempt to lock out our participation with their customers by refusing to give our programmers sufficient documentation so that we can properly support their devices.

Take Adaptec for instance. Before the 3.7 release we disabled support for the aac(4) Adaptec RAID driver because negotiations with the Adaptec had failed. They refused to give us documentation. Without documentation, support for their controller had always been poor. The driver had bugs (which affected some users more than others) which caused crashes, and of course there was no RAID management support. Apparently most of these bugs are because the Adaptec controllers have numerous buggy firmware issues which require careful workarounds; without documentation we cannot solve these issues.

The driver was written by an OpenBSD developer, who cribbed parts of it from a FreeBSD driver written by an ex-Adaptec employee. But no public documentation exists, and Adaptec has dozens of cards with different firmware issues. All of this adds up to a very desperate development model -- it becomes very hard for the principle of "quality" to show its head.

RAID devices have two main qualities that people buy them for:

  • Redundancy
  • Repair
You want a RAID unit to provide you with redundancy, so that if some drives fail, your data is not lost. But once a drive has failed, you require your array to (automatically, most likely) perform the operations to repair itself, so that it is functioning perfectly again.

Some vendors (or like the above Adaptec case, ex-employee) have sometimes given us some documentation so that we could write drivers, so that their devices could support Redundancy. But these vendors have never given us any documentation for performing Repairs.

Instead these vendors have tried to pass out non-free RAID management tools. These are typically gigantic Linux binaries, or some crazy thing, that is supposed to work through a bizarre interface in the device driver, which we are apparently supposed to write code for without any documentation.

And since we refuse to accept our users being forced into depending on vendor binaries, we have reverse engineered the management interface for the AMI controllers.

There is no great "intellectual property" in this stuff, it is all rather simple primitives. This is all that we need to implement basic RAID management:

  • SCSI transactions on the back-side busses
  • Discovering which drives are in which volumes
  • Being able to silence the buzzer
  • Marking a new drive as a Hot-Spare

The AMI driver needed to support these small primitive operations. And once we had that, we rely on something else which we know: Almost all the RAID controllers would need the same primitives.

Thus armed, we were able to write a generic framework which would later work on other vendors' RAID cards, that is, once we get documentation or do some reverse engineering for their products.

But having been ignored for so long by these vendors, it is not clear when (if ever) we will get around to writing that support for Adaptec RAID controllers now. And Adaptec has gone and bought ICP Vortex, which may mean we can never get documentation for the gdt(4) controllers. The "Open Source Friendly liar" IBM owns Mylex, and Mylex has told us we would not get documentation, either. 3Ware has lied to us and our users so many times they make politicians look saintly.

Until other vendors give us documentation, if you want reliable RAID in OpenBSD, please buy LSI/AMI RAID cards. And everything will just work.

And keep pestering the other vendors.


Narrator: Welcome friends to the adventures of Puffiana Jones!

Brought to you by the good people at OpenBSD!

Whether braving jungles of wires, oceans of code, or hacking the most treacherous of crypts, one fish fights for justice. With bravery and morality like none other, one name rings true. Puffiana Jones, famed hackologist and adventurer!

Tracking down valuable artifacts and returning them to the public from the steely grip of greed. Many a villain has he pummeled, many a vile vendor has he thwarted, countless thugs, lawyers and kitties abound.

Join us now in his latest adventure. Hackers of the Lost RAID!


Marlus: Puffy, this mission will be dangerous.

Puffy: I'm a careful guy Marlus.


Puffy and Salmah: They're hacking in the wrong place!


Beluge: You will never get the documentation Jones! Ah ha ha ha ha!

Puffy: Now you're gettin' nasty.


Puffy: SCSI's, why'd it have to be SCSI's?

Salmah: API's, very dangerous. You go first.


Narrator: Through thick and thin our hero persists, until finally, there before him lies the answer of the ages. How to get OpenBSD, the world's most secure operating system, to communicate with the lost RAID. But alas, he is foiled once again by the evil Neozis. Again he must chase the truth. Will our hero prevail?

Triumphant again! Join us next time for the continuing adventures of Puffiana Jones!



CD 2 track 2 is an audio track entitled "Hackers of the Lost RAID". Music composed by Ty Semaka and Jonathan Lewis. The Moxam Orchestra programmed and played by Jonathan Lewis. Vocals and Lyrics by Ty Semaka. Drums by Charlie Bullough. Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Lewis of Moxam Studios. (1-403-233-0350).


3.7: "Wizard of OS"

[Order OpenBSD 3.7 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.7 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

10:08 minutes (MP3 18MB) (OGG 13MB)

Wizard

For an operating system to get anywhere in "the market" it must have good device support.

Ethernet was our first concern. Many vendors refused to supply programmers with programming documentation for these chipsets. Donald Becker (Linux) and Bill Paul (FreeBSD) changed the rules of the game here: They wrote drivers for the chipsets that they could get documentation for, and as they succeeded in writing more and more drivers, eventually closed vendors slowly opened up until most ethernet chipset documentation was available. Today, some vendors still resist releasing ethernet chipset documentation (ie. Broadcom, Intel, Marvell/SysKonnect, NVIDIA) but the driver problem is mostly solved in the ethernet market.

Similar problems have happened in the SCSI, IDE, and RAID markets. Again, the problem was solved by writing drivers for documented devices first. If the free software user communities use those drivers preferentially, it is a market loss for the secretive vendors. Another approach that has worked is to publish email addresses and phone numbers for the marketing department managers in these companies. These email campaigns have worked almost every time.

The new frontier: 802.11 wireless chipsets.

Over the last six months, this came to a head in the OpenBSD project. We asked our users to help us petition numerous vendors so that we could get chipset documentation or redistributable firmware. Certainly, we did not succeed for some vendors. But we did influence some vendors, in particular the Taiwanese (Ralink and Realtek), who have given us everything we need. We also reverse engineered the Atheros chipsets.

Want to help us? Avoid Intel Centrino, Broadcom, TI, or Connexant PrismGT chipsets. Heck, avoid buying even regular old pre-G Prism products, to send a message. If you can, buy 802.11 products using chips by Realtek, Ralink, Atmel, ADMTek, Atheros. Our manual pages attempt to explain which vendors (ie. D-Link) box which chipsets into which product.

Send a message that open support for hardware matters. A vendor in Redmond largely continues their practices because they get the chipset documentation years before everyone else does. What really upsets us the most is that some Linux vendors are signing Non-Disclosure Agreements with vendors, or contracts that let them distribute firmwares. Meanwhile both Linux and FSF head developers are not asking their communities to help us in our efforts to free development information for all, but are even going further and telling their development communities to not work with us at pressuring vendors. It is ridiculous.

The heroine is deaf to her device
her uncles on the farm,
send out the alarm
and the shit storm flies
E-maelstrom is lifting up the house
With Puffathy inside,
twisting up a ride
to the land of OS
Hard landing, the packets celebrate
The wicked lawyers dead
The open slippers red are
Hers to take

Ding dong the lawyer's dead
You're off to see the Wizard kid

The north witch instructed Puffathy
To get yourself back home
Take this yellow road and
You'll be fine
Believe in the open ruby shoes
Now go to see the Wiz and
give Taiwan your biz
You'll never lose
The 3 friends she made along the way
Were nice but pretty lame,
lazy and insane
but they sang OK

Ding dong the lawyer's dead
You're off to see the Wizard kid

Finally we're through the trees
The city glows
It's positively green
Pompously the wizard booms
He wants the broom of triple 'w'

Go to the west
You must pass the test
For me
Bring me the ride
of the witch I despise
And you'll be free

You don't need the broom
You don't need the shoes
You don't need the wiz
You will never lose
You have all you need
You always had heart
You always had courage
Did somebody fart?
You always had brains
You answered each call
And this may surprise you
But you've got some balls
So double click heels
and work with Taiwan
And speak to your doggie
You're already gone....


Lyrics and vocal melody written by Ty Semaka. Main vocals by Jonathan Lewis, sung female vocals by Adele Legere, Puffathy (little girl voice) by Anita Miotti, monkeys and laughing by Ty Semaka, guitar by Reed Shimozawa, drums, bass and all other sounds programmed by Jonathan Lewis. Co-Arranged by Ty Semaka & Jonathan Lewis. Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Lewis at Moxam Studios (1-403-233-0350).


3.6: "Pond-erosa Puff (live)"

[Order OpenBSD 3.6 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.6 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

4:00 minutes (MP3 7.7MB) (OGG 5.2MB)

CARP

What is up with some free software providers?! They say "Here's something free! Oh wait, I changed my mind."

While not exactly bait-and-switch, this is something which has been causing the community continual grief, and therefore we decided to honour a few of the projects that have decided to go non-free. After all.. having gone non-free, no one is going to remember them in the end.

This song is dedicated to a few worthy groups who have made this Free-to-Non-Free transition with their offerings in the last few years:

  • David Dawes worked for years with a team of developers to make a free X11 distribution for us to use, called XFree86, 98% of which was based on entirely free code from MIT. Suddenly, one day, he decided that we must give him more credit (ie. advertise his name) or stop using it. Within about 4 months every project had told him to get stuffed, and the community has created a replacement effort. Now his team cannot even keep their web pages up to date...

  • OpenBSD was the first operating system to integrate a packet filter, and it was the ipf codebase from Darren Reed that we chose. But a few years later he told us that we were not free to make changes to the code. So we deleted ipf, and our new packet filter far exceeds the capabilities of the one he wrote. And other projects are switching too...

  • The Apache group started from the humble beginnings of just being 'a patchy' set of changes to a completely free web server of dubious quality. But the years have changed them, and what they supply is now quite non-free... released under a license so entangled in legalese that we have absolutely no doubt that there are encumbrances hidden within. Legal terms protect. Who are they protecting? Not your freedom.
So here's a goodbye to those three groups, and a warning to any others who will follow them: Make your stuff non-free, and something else will replace it.



Well he rode from the ocean far upstream
Nuthin' to his name but a code and a dream
Lookin' for the legendary inland sea
Where the water was deep n' clean n' free

But the town he found had suffered a blow
Fish were dying, cause the water was low
Fat cat fish name o' Diamond Dawes
Plugged the stream with copyright laws


He said my water's good n' my water's free
So Pond-erosa, you gonna thank me!
Then he bottled it up and he labeled it "Mine"
They opened n' poured, but they ran outta time!

So Puff made a brand and he tanned his hide
Said. "this is the mark of too much pride"
Tied him to a horse, set the tail on fire
Slapped er on the ass and the water went higher!


Pond-erosa Puff
wouldn't take no guff
Water oughta be clean and free
So he fought the fight
and he set things right
With his OpenBSD


Well things were good fer a spell in town
But then one day, dang water turned brown
Comin' to the rescue, Mayor Reed
He said, "This here filter's all ya'll need"

But it didn't take long 'fore the filter plugged
Full of mud, n' crud, n' bugs
Folks said "gotta be a gooder way"
Mayor said "Hell No! She's O.K."


"The water's fine on the Open range"
And he passed a law that it couldn't change.
"No freeze, no boil, no frolicking young"
Puff took him aside, said "this is wrong"

Then he found the Mayor was addin' the crud!
So he took him down in a cloud of blood
Said "The Mayor's learnd, he's done been mean"
So they did it right and the water went clean!


CHORUS


So once agin' it was right, but then
The lake went dry, she was gone again!
Fish started flippin' and floppin' about
Yellin' "Mercy Puff! It's a doggone drought!"

So he rolled up-gulch till he hit the lake
Of Apache fish, they was on the take
They'd built a dam that was made of rules
Now Puff was pissed and he lost his cool!


I'm sick and tired of these goldarn words!
n' laws n' bureaucratic nerds!
You're full o' beans n' killin' my town
and if you's all don't shut er down

I'll hang a lickin' on every one
of you sons o' bitchin' greedy scum!
So he blew the dam, an' he let 'er haul
Cause water oughta be free for all!


CHORUS

That's right!
I'll hang a lickin' on ya!
Never piss on another man's boot!


Vocals, Lyrics, Melody and Co-Arrangement by Ty Semaka - Guitar by Chantal Vitalis - Bass by Jonny Nordstrom - Drums by John McNiel,
Fiddle - Co-Arrangement, Recording, Mixing, Mastering by Jonathan Lewis of Moxam Studios (1-403-233-0350).


3.5: "CARP License" and "Redundancy must be free"

[Order OpenBSD 3.5 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.5 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this skit & song.

5:21 minutes (MP3 9.7MB) (OGG 6.8MB)

CARP

A common theme used by the comedy crew Monty Python was to emphasize and exaggerate ridiculousnesses that their target had imposed upon themselves. Few things could be considered as humorous as making a redundancy protocol... redundant; e.g. being forced to replace it by Cisco lawyers and IETF policy.

We've been working a few years now on our packet filtering software pf(4) and it became time to add failover. We want to be able to set up pf firewalls side by side, and exchange the stateful information between them, so that in case of failure another could take over 'keep state' sessions. Our pfsync(4) protocol solves this problem. However, on both sides of the firewall, it is also necessary to have all the regular hosts not see a network failure. The only reliable way to do this is for both firewall machines to have and use the same IP and MAC addresses. But the only real way to do that is to use multicast protocols.

The IETF community proposed work in this direction in the late 90's, however in 1997 Cisco informed them that they believed some of Cisco's patents covered the proposed IETF VRRP (Virtual Router Redundancy Protocol); on March 20, 1998 they went further and specifically named their HSRP "Hot Standby Router Protocol" patent. Reputedly, they were upset that IETF had not simply adopted the flawed HSRP protocol as the standard solution for this problem. Despite this legal pressure, the IETF community forged ahead and published VRRP as a standard even though there was a patent in the space. Why? There was much deliberation at all levels of the IETF, and unfortunately for all of us the politicians within eventually decided to allow patented technology in standards -- as long as the patented technology is licensed under RAND (Reasonable And Non Discriminatory) terms. As free software programmers, we therefore find ourselves in the position that these RAND standards must not be implemented by us, and we must deviate from the standard. We find all this rather Unreasonable and Discriminatory and we *will* design competing protocols. Some standards organization, eh?

Due to some HSRP flaws fixed by VRRP and for compatibility with the (HSRP-licensed) VRRP implementations of their competitors, Cisco in recent times has largely abandoned HSRP and now relies on VRRP instead -- a protocol designed for and by the community, but for which they claim patent rights.

On August 7 2002, after many communications, Robert Barr (Cisco's lawyer) firmly informed the OpenBSD community that Cisco would defend its patents for VRRP implementations -- meaning basically that it was impossible for a free software group to produce a truly free implementation of the IETF standard protocol. Perhaps this is because Cisco and Alcatel are currently engaged in a pair of patent lawsuits; a small piece of which is Cisco attempting to use the HSRP patent against Alcatel for their use of VRRP. Some IETF working group members took note of our complaints, however an attempt in April 2003 to have the IETF abandon the use of patented technology failed to "reach consensus" in the IETF.

A few years ago, the W3C, who designs our web protocols, tried to move to a RAND policy as well (primarily because of pressure from Microsoft and Apple), but the community outrage was so overpowering that they backed down. Some standards groups use this policy, while others avoid it -- the one differentiation being the amount of corporate participation. In the IETF, the pro-RAND agents work for AT&T, Alcatel, IBM, Cisco, Microsoft, and other large companies. Since IETF is an open forum, they can blend in as the populace, and vote just like all others, except against the community.

Translation: In failing to "reach consensus", the companies who benefit from RAND won, and the community lost again.

Left with little choice, we proceeded to reinvent the wheel or, more correctly, abandon the wheel entirely and go for a "hovercraft". We designed CARP (Common Address Redundancy Protocol) to solve the same problem that these other protocols are designed for, but without the same technological basis as HSRP and VRRP. We read the patent document carefully and ensured that CARP was fundamentally different. We also avoided many of the flaws in HSRP and VRRP (such as an inherent lack of security). And since we are OpenBSD developers, we designed it to use cryptography.

The combination of pf(4), pfsync(4), and carp(4) has permitted us to build highly redundant firewalls. To date, we have built a few networks that include as many as 4 firewalls, all running random reboot cycles. As long as one firewall is alive in a group, traffic through them moves smoothly and correctly for all of our packet filter functionality. Cisco's low end products are unable to do this reliably, and if they have high end products which can do this, you most certainly cannot afford them.

As a final note of course, when we petitioned IANA, the IETF body regulating "official" internet protocol numbers, to give us numbers for CARP and pfsync our request was denied. Apparently we had failed to go through an official standards organization. Consequently we were forced to choose a protocol number which would not conflict with anything else of value, and decided to place CARP at IP protocol 112. We also placed pfsync at an open and unused number. We informed IANA of these decisions, but they declined to reply.

This ridiculous situation then inspired one of our developers to create this parody of the well-known Monty Python skit and song.




Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please.
Licenser: A what?
Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP.
Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it?
Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol.
Licenser: What?
Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol.
Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol!
Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it!
Licenser: You must be a looney.
Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: You are a looney.
Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP.
Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP.
Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it.
Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license.
Customer: Yes there is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: Is!
Licenser: Isn't!
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon.
Customer: The man didn't have the right form.
Licenser: What man?
Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van.
Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean.
Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Licenser: What redundancy detector van?
Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee.
Licenser: Cizzz-coeee?
Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake.
Licenser: How much did you pay for that?
Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX.
Licenser: What PIX?
Customer: The PIX I'm replacing!
Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it?
Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it!
Licenser: No they didn't!
Customer: Did!
Licenser: Didn't!
Customer: Did, did, did and did!
Licenser: Oh, all right.
Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license?
Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License.
Licenser: A license?
Customer: Yes.
Licenser: For your firewall?
Customer: No.
Licenser: No?
Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident.
Licenser: You're off your chump.
Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not entirely up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader!

A zero... one.. A one zero one one

VRRP, philosophically,
must ipso facto standard be
But standard it
needs to be free
vis a vis
the IETF
you see?

But can VRRP
be said to be
or not to be
a standard, see,
when VRRP can not be free,
due to some Cisco patentry..

Singing...

La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3.
VRRP ain't free.
O P E N B S D
CARP is free

Is this wretched Cisco-eze
let through IETF to mean
my firewall must pay legal fees?
No! CARP and PF are Free!

Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
CARP and PF are free.

1 1 2,
Tee Hee Hee,
CARP and PF are free.

My firewall just keeps running, see,
bisected accidentally,
one summer afternoon by me.
Redundancy's good when free.

Redundancy must be free.
Redundancy must be free.

The End

Under the Geddy Lee?

No, Redundancy must be free!

Geddy must be free.



"CARP License" sketch:
Tony Binns as the Customer, Peter Rumpel as the Licenser.
"Redundancy must be free" song:
Lead vocal by Peter Rumpel, backing vocals by Jonathan Lewis and Ty Semaka. Piano by Janet Lewis, acoustic guitars by Chantal Vitalis.
Bass and Geddy Lee questioning by Jonathan Lewis. Lyrics by Bob Beck.



3.4: "The Legend of Puffy Hood"

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OpenBSD 3.4 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

3:30 minutes (MP3 7.0MB) (OGG 5.1MB)

Puffy Hood

Join Puffy Hood and his Funny Fish as they take on the Sheriff (an unelected leader) and other evil forces of the draconian government!


As we did for the 3.3 release, we have once again tried making release artwork and music which are allegorical of recent happenings.

Two years ago we became involved with the University of Pennsylvania and DARPA, who were funding us to do security research and development .. on things that we were already intending to do. We provided ideas, wrote papers, and deployed cutting-edge technology; DARPA provided finances and reaped a share of the credit, and the University of Pennsylvania acted as a middle-man. We accepted funding based on the promise that our freedom to operate as we wished was unaffected. To us, freedom is more important than funding -- heck, we were dealing with the evil forces of government, and needed to be careful.

A few months prior to this release, DARPA suddenly and without warning decided to withdraw that funding; they also aggressively backed out of contractual obligations. Many articles in the press followed regarding this sudden maneuver. Apparently this hoopla happened because an OpenBSD-related article in the Canadian newspaper The Globe & Mail had quoted Theo de Raadt making anti-war statements regarding Iraq and the theft of oil.

The only answer given (to major media reporters) by a DARPA spokesperson (Jan Walker) was this:

"As a result of the DARPA review of the project, and due to world events and the evolving threat posed by increasingly capable nation-states, the Government on April 21 advised the University to suspend work on the "security fest" portion of the project."

That almost toes the line of calling us terrorists! We had lost financial support, but the release of the statement above suddenly made us very happy to be free of any perceived obligation to such crazy people.

Since the termination came near natural contract termination (about 4 months remained), less damage than expected was sustained by the project. Sponsors stepped forward and helped us make up the missing funds we needed to run our "Hackathon", and the event proceeded as planned. We even had T-shirts made with "Workstations of Mass Development" artwork for those developers who attended (sorry, they are not for sale).

We could not make stories like this up. So instead, we are making up an allegory about it, using the tale of Robin Hood.



Sir Puffy of Ramsay was a wandrin'
Through forests of seaweed all alone
He had found the crusades
were an endless charade
So for now he called Nothing Hack home


One day he met Little Bob of Beckley
Beat him fair on a log-in by staff
Clever chums they did find
other fish of their kind
Thwarting evil with humppa and math


Now trouble was a brewin' when the Good King was away
The Sheriff came a callin' for the poor to pay
With CD's and their freedom
for to share online
And burning down the village cause he was a slime


So Puffy and his buddies took the booty from the rich
and turned it into a system to protect poor fish
Sent out by Hook or a Wim
to the teaming schools
Town cryers were on fire cause the crypto ruled!


Chorus:
They called it "BSD"!
And "Open" because it's always free
So raise up your glass and
three cheers to the Funny
Fish for never running
and making something good!
And here's to Puffy Hood!


Aaaw! Word to the sea y'all
The Hood's a bad ball
Ya underneath he's a heathen and a traitor
He can take from you all and say "later!"
Think he's a hero?
Naw he ain't lovin' ya
He gettin' richer than Bill Gates and Dubya
Read the Wanted poster
of Sheriff Plac-o-derm fool
We gettin' back the booty
or we take away your worms too


Yo! Word to the classes
Put on your glasses
I guess the Sheriff is King till this passes
Times are a changin' and movin' so fast
He says "Give me your freedom,
I'll grasp it and pass it to brass
who can hash it for weapons of massive distraction.
And hand me the bastards that brashly amassed from the cash
happy faction of oily and gassy co-action".
No! Don't hand em dick, grab a stick, keep attacking for freedom
and hack till the King cometh back and leave em'


Then trouble was a rollin' with an army on the run
The Sheriff came a callin' for the spikey one
And took back all the booty
Puff intended for the poor
The Arch-a-thon went on despite the mighty roar


Puff snuck into the castle, and found the treasure hill
And also found Maid Marlin held against her will
He loaded all the loot
to give it back and big surprise
He took the maiden too, 'cause she was easy on the eyes


Chorus:
They called it "BSD"!
And "Open" because it's always free
So raise up your glass and
three cheers to the Funny
Fish for never running
and making something good!
And here's to Puffy Hood!




Music, Co-arrangement, Recording, Mixing, Drum Programming, Bass, Organ, and Violin by Jonathan Lewis.
Co-Arrangement, Lyrics, and Main Vocals by Ty Semaka.
Back-vocals by Bob Beck, Calvin Beck, Theo de Raadt, Alan Kolodziejzyk, Jonathan Lewis & Peter Valchev.
Rap #1 by Richard Sixto. Guitar by Chantal Vitalis.


3.3: "Puff the Barbarian"

[Order OpenBSD 3.3 or other items]
OpenBSD 3.3 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

4:00 minutes (MP3 7.5MB) (OGG 3.3MB)

Puff the Barbarian

Like other Barbarians before him, Puff has had to face some pretty crazy challenges.
This song is an allegory of the recent difficulties we went through dealing with Sun, who refused our request for documentation about their UltraSPARC III processors. We want documentation, because these are the fastest processors with a per-page eXecute bit in the MMU, needed to fully support our new W^X security feature. In the meantime, the AMD Hammer has come onto the scene, and this processor supports an eXecute bit in 64-bit mode.

And it is going to be faster...
Deep through the mists of time
Gaze to the crystal ball
Back to the age of darkness
Black was the protocol

A King ruled the web with fear
Spilling the blood of men
Then from the ocean came
Puff the Barbarian


Born in a tiny bowl Puff was a pet
Sold into slav-er-y by the man
Eating the weeds till he was strong enough
Breaking his bonds like nobody can

Down the sewer pipes of Hell
A thousand kitties then did bleed
Constraints were slain as well
Hacked his way out to the C

And there he found
His destiny
Hammer of the Ocean God
"Xor taking care of me"

Then in a dream Xor requested he
"Go to the Sun King, get what I yearn
Kernighan saw it, prophet of the C
Knowledge - so they may never return"

At the tower Puff appealed
For the wisdom of the One
Denied, his mind did reel
Puff was getting tired of Sun

Broke down the guard
Cause math is hard
Saw McNealy on his throne
All alone and only bones

Come the Sun King blade ablur
Hammer down eclipse the Sun
And Puff, the land secured
The new King Barbarian!


Written and arranged by Ty Semaka. Co-arranged, recorded, mixed & mastered by Jonathan Lewis.
Vocals by DeVille, guitar by Sean Desmond, bass by Ian Knox, drums by John McNiel, violin by Jonathan Lewis.


3.2: "Goldflipper"

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OpenBSD 3.2 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

3:00 minutes (MP3 2.5MB) (OGG 2.3MB)

Mr Pond
Goldflipper
With golden skin
and flippers as sharp as a knife
He's the machine
Designed to dismember your life

And the fish
Protecting us all from the cat
And the cat
Infecting the wo-orld for a laugh

Cyborg on a mission
To do some Puff fishin'
The doctor wants fugu tonight!

(short instrumental intro)

You'll need some machismo to
catch the spikey one
He's got guts and gizmos to
make the system run

But Flip's here for fun
and without a gun
He'll dice you with his Golden fin

She's all over Puff cause he's
such a sexy catch
Is she spying on him or
just a seafood match?

Oh double seven
Send me to Heaven
Cause for Mr. Po-o-o-ond

The women are fond
She knows what to do
She'll turn Gold to goo

Goldflipper is gone
Gold flipper's goooooooooooooone


Lyrics by Ty Semaka. Arranged by Ty Semaka & Jonathan Lewis.
Base & drum programming, recording, mixing & mastering by Jonathan Lewis. Vocals by Onalea Gilbertson. Sax by Dan Meichel. Trumpet & Trombone by Craig Soby.


3.1: "Systemagic"

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OpenBSD 3.1 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

3:00 minutes (MP3 2.9MB) (OGG 2.3MB)

Systemagic
BSD fight buffer reign
Flowing blood in circuit vein
Quagmire, Hellfire, RAMhead Count
Puffy rip attacker out

Crackin' ze bathroom, Crackin' ze vault
Tale of the script, HEY! Secure by default

Can't fight the Systemagic
Über tragic
Can't fight the Systemagic

Sexty second, black cat struck
Breeding worm of crypto-suck
Hot rod box unt hunting wake
Vampire omellete, kitten cake

Crackin' ze boardroom, Crackin' ze vault
Rippin' ze bat, HEY! Secure by default

Chorus

Cybersluts vit undead guts
Transyl-viral coffin muck
Penguin lurking under bed
Puffy hoompa on your head

Crackin' ze bedroom, Crackin' ze vault
Crackin' ze whip, HEY! Secure by default
Crackin' ze bedroom, Crackin' ze vault
Crackin' ze whip, HEY! Secure by default

Chorus

Produced & Directed by Ty Semaka and Ian Knox. Written, Arranged and Performed by Ty Semaka (vocals, lyrics), Ian Knox (bass, drum programming), and Sean Desmond (guitar).
Recorded & Mixed at Ruffmix Audio Productions (Calgary) by Kelly Mihalicz.
Mastered by Jonathan Lewis.


3.0: "E-Railed (OpenBSD Mix)"

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OpenBSD 3.0 CD2 track 2 is an
uncompressed copy of this song.

3:00 minutes (MP3 2.9MB) (OGG 2.3MB)

Rock


Don't tell anyone I'm free
Don't tell anyone I'm free

During these hostile and trying times and what-not
OpenBSD may be your family's only line of defense

I'm secure by default

They that can give up liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety

RELEASE TIME!!!!

Stay off, stay off, stay off...
I'm secure by default
stay off, stay off, stay off


By The Plaid Tongued Devils. Produced & Arranged by Ty Semaka & Wynn Gogol.
Written & Performed by Gordon Chipp Robb (bass line), John McNiel (drums), Ty Semaka (vocals & lyrics), and Wynn Gogol (programming).
Recorded, Mixed & Mastered by Wynn Gogol of Workshop Recording Studios (Victoria BC).
Check out http://www.thedevils.com


OpenBSD www@openbsd.org
$OpenBSD: lyrics.html,v 1.89 2007/09/07 22:02:39 deraadt Exp $